Correspondence
by Scrawlers
Summary: Dear Kratos: Your son is an annoying brat, and for leaving me to deal with him in your eternal absence, I wish you nothing but the harshest damnation in Niflheim’s hottest fires. Sincerely, Yuan."


**Disclaimer: **Tales of Symphonia is not, has not, and will never be mine. Much to my incredible, incredible dismay.

**Authors' Note: **A random idea that came to me out of a fit of boredom. Like the plethora of other fics that I'm posting at the moment, this has been over on my deviantART for awhile, yet is only getting posted here now. And no, I have no idea how they got the letters to each other.

Please read and review!

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**Correspondence**

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_Dear Kratos,_

_Your son is an annoying brat, and for leaving me to deal with him in your eternal absence, I wish you nothing but the harshest damnation in Niflheim's hottest fires._

_Sincerely,  
Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

What has Lloyd done now?

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_Lloyd has decided to make it his life's mission to annoy the living hell out of me. That is to say, he seems to think that I "spend too much time cooped up in my base" and that I "need to get out more." Apparently he believes that visiting me daily and nagging me until I forcibly kick him out is going to encourage me to "get out more." He also has a nasty habit of touching things that aren't his, and inviting his little friends to do the same. If Sylvarant's Chosen gets within a one hundred foot radius of any of my breakable possessions again, I'm going to have her arrested._

_Then again, your vagabond son will likely just break her out, breaking the entire_ base _in the process._

_If this continues, then I will have to kill him. Consider this your warning._

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

If you kill my son, then - best friend or not - _I_ will be forced to kill _you_. Consider that to be _your_ warning.

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_I would enjoy seeing you try._

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

You wouldn't have time to see anything.

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_Ha!_

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

A rather childish response, wouldn't you think?

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_I saw no need to waste words. You and I both know that I am the truly stealthy one out of the two of us. You could_ try _to sneak up on me, but you and I both know that it would end in failure, just as it always did in the past._

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

You are sorely tempting me to return to Aselia just to - as Lloyd would put it - "kick your ass."

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_Once again, it would be endlessly amusing to see you t_

_That is IT, Aurion. Your son is going to_ die, _and that mongrel of his just might be joining him._

_In the middle of writing my previous response, your idiotic progeny burst into my office, completely uninvited, that damned protozoan with him. Immediately, Noishe crossed the office in several bounds and proceeded to_ jump over my desk _in an attempt to reach me, thus knocking over and breaking_ several _important instruments_ and _knocking everything off my desk. After detaching the animal from my chair, I saw that Lloyd was in the midst of fighting several of my men, wrecking my office even further and knocking them both unconscious. Rightfully, I ejected Lloyd from my office, but before I could give him a well-deserved Thunder Blade he took off, that damned protozoan following him. I return only now, after an hour of chasing down Lloyd to strap him to his own Rheaird, fly him somewhere over the Flanoir expanse, and drop him off in the middle of the snowy hazard. Noishe is with him, so he probably won't die. I could never be that fortunate._

_But honestly, Aurion, I have had enough. My base is completely devastated, I have more men than I should in the hospital ward, and if you are going to abandon your duties as a disciplinarian to that boy, then I will take matters into my own hands by killing him myself._

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

Murder isn't a form of discipline. Beat Lloyd all you want - not that it'll get anything through his admittedly thick head, but feel free beat him. Murdering him is out of the question, though.

Also, it isn't Noishe's fault. He receives enough unjust punishment from Lloyd without you adding to the mix.

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_Considering that you and I wouldn't even be in our current positions if it weren't for that damned protozoan, I will blame him all I want. Hell, if it wasn't for him, Lloyd wouldn't even_ exist.

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

And that is yet another reason why I will not stand for any harm to come to Noishe. You, too, ought to be more grateful to him. If not for him, you would have never met Martel.

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_I think thou ought to keep thy mouth shut._

_Respectfully,  
Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

I do think you should be able to hear my roaring laughter all the way back on Aselia.

--Kratos

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_Dear Kratos,_

_As always, it sounds like the wheezing of a dog afflicted with clogged lungs. By the way, you're going to be a grandfather._

_--Yuan_

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Dear Yuan,

I'm going to be a WHAT?

--Kratos


End file.
